What is The Importance of having Good Men in your Life?

Short Conversation on the importance of having good positive men in your life. What does having a positive man do?

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Transcript

MGF (00:00)
What's up everybody? Welcome back to Hole in the Road with Mr. Gray Fox and Big Bad Harold.

Big Bad Harold (00:04)
What's going on there?

MGF (00:04)
So what's a favor? If you watched the video, hit the like and subscribe button. We'd really appreciate it. Big Bad Herro, what's on your mind tonight, good brother?

Big Bad Harold (00:11)
yeah.

I wanted to talk on, we can hit on the fact of the importance of having your father in your life. Or we'll say man in your life. Everybody don't get to have a father, they could have passed, whatever, different situations. They go on in all communities, but the importance of having an actual man in your life. Definitely as a young man.

MGF (00:23)
Hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. ⁓

Big Bad Harold (00:38)
But just in general, in general, I'm gonna say if it's actually a man that knows and understand his role, his role, which is to provide and protect that same man that understand the household as far as God, then him. You know I'm saying? With how he goes about what he does in the house, a man just...

He puts balance and stability in the house in a lot of ways, mentally, spiritually, and physically. He ain't just to throw his money out like how this new society works. All a man is is a meal ticket. As long as he got some bread, he identified as a man. I don't feel that same way. We do pull to provide. That's a huge part of it, but it's what are we providing? Am I just going out here

MGF (01:19)
I'm glad you said that. Yeah.

Big Bad Harold (01:28)
making

me a little money so I can smoke, drink, party, know, and not having to my responsibility. My kids suffering, you know, my old lady suffering, my mom suffering. You know, to me, a man is that rock, man. My man is that rock for the family, man. If you have little girls, like I got two little girls, it's my job to guide them, to be intentional at what I do with them. Getting them to understand that it's more

than just this, we know we let kids be kids, but it's more than just a playground out here, man. It's my job to keep them focused on their schoolwork. It's my job to keep them focused on why it is, why it is a purpose to have a man in your life as far as me being there letting them see, let them see me go to work, let them see me actually come home.

MGF (01:58)
you

Big Bad Harold (02:17)
Let me see them treat them right, treat their mom right. Let them see me pray when I need to pray. Let me see when they have a bad time how I try to up they spirit. So it's a big importance for us to have male figures in our life, man. It teaches us a lot of things that really just keep you stable. Some people, mental and spiritual, are very weak. And as a man, we supposed to be able to just

We can take the brunt of that, And it does a lot of times, you know, help when you have that good circle around you and when you understand, man, when I feel like I ain't got it, hey, I got to get it from him. I got to do that,

MGF (02:56)
But you gotta be specific, A good man.

Big Bad Harold (02:57)
Yeah.

definitely. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

MGF (03:00)
You get what I'm saying? See, because

a lot of people that they hear a conversation and well, I got thugger at the house. You know what mean? So that qualifies as a, as a man. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's a, that's a male that ain't, he ain't reached the level of man yet. You get what I'm saying? I don't give a damn if he's 60. Right? Yeah.

Big Bad Harold (03:04)
Hmm.

Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. He ain't a man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MGF (03:20)
Man is the highest level that you can reach as a male. A lot of these cats out here are still males.

Big Bad Harold (03:23)
Yes. Yes. yeah.

MGF (03:28)
Let tell you something,

Growing up, me, in that phase of life.

Thank God I have my daddy. You get what I'm saying? Thank God I have my daddy.

And I think I've said this before, I didn't know what it felt like. I didn't know what that pain felt like as a kid and I'm thankful for that. You know what I mean? I don't, you know what mean? But I see it. And the older I got, you know, you realize just how important daddy is. You get what I'm saying?

Big Bad Harold (03:47)
Mm-hmm.

Without a doubt.

MGF (03:55)
And man, the older I got, I used think about it, I'm like, man, I'm so glad that he stuck around. You know what mean? But.

like I was trying to tell you about your different phases, you could see.

Like guys, like you could, you could, you could see a male now and you can just instantly tell I bet you his daddy.

Big Bad Harold (04:13)
Yeah, yeah, uh-huh.

MGF (04:15)
You're way too emotional. You act like your mama.

Big Bad Harold (04:16)
Yeah.

True? That's true?

MGF (04:19)
But you got the physical form of a man. And you think just because you can talk the loudest, or you can talk over somebody.

Big Bad Harold (04:22)
Yeah.

Whoopi, everybody.

MGF (04:29)
That's all traits of a You ever have a conversation with a male and he just won't stop talking? You trying to have a conversation and he just won't stop talking. He won't stop talking. And when you try to say something, he gets louder. No, no, no, no. He gets louder thinking that the person who speaks the loudest wins the argument. Whoever stops first wins. You get what I'm saying?

Big Bad Harold (04:41)
chime in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

MGF (04:53)
No emotional control. You get what I'm saying?

Big Bad Harold (04:56)
Yeah.

MGF (04:56)
or you try to overcompensate for something. ever taught you, no man really ever taught you how to control your emotions.

Big Bad Harold (05:05)
Definitely.

MGF (05:06)
And you can definitely see it. You know what mean? See, what we got here, I'm guilty of this. I'm guilty. Before we even go, I want to admit, I'm guilty of this.

Big Bad Harold (05:08)
Yeah. yeah.

No.

MGF (05:16)
in our culture, way too many of us. And like I say, I'm guilty.

Our communities are a mess because we have children with women that we never even, we ain't gonna be there. You just got a kid.

Big Bad Harold (05:30)
That's Yeah, that's true.

That's true.

MGF (05:34)
Right?

So what we have nowadays, I'm Generation X. Right?

What you got.

I'm with a woman, she got kids that somebody else's kids, right? My kids over there, somebody else. And you just got this all over the place. You get what I'm saying?

Big Bad Harold (05:45)
Yep. Yep.

It keeps stacking. Yeah. Yeah.

yeah.

MGF (05:53)
So in the single parents, single women, I mean, man, they got it rough. I'm a single parent also, right? So you got a woman trying to raise three boys from three different bloodlines.

Big Bad Harold (05:58)
yeah.

Yep,

I'll finna

MGF (06:09)
You get what I'm saying? Not just three different dudes, three different bloodlines.

Big Bad Harold (06:12)
Yeah. Different treats. Yeah.

MGF (06:14)
more than likely, or way too often, is three thuggles.

Big Bad Harold (06:18)
Yeah. She can't handle all of them. Yeah.

MGF (06:20)
You get what I'm saying? Now, none of them is being led by a good man.

Big Bad Harold (06:21)
yeah.

MGF (06:26)
And that cycle just, it flips and flips and flips and flips. But until you start having conversations, like uncomfortable conversations, without finger pointing. And just take, I'm talking about just give accountability a big old hug and accept it. Make peace with it. You know what I mean? That's how you move forward.

Big Bad Harold (06:28)
Keeps on going, it keeps on going. It really does.

Yeah, we all done made mistakes. Yeah, we all done made mistakes, man.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. yeah. yeah.

MGF (06:52)
Not this, hey man, you did it. You know what mean? How you gonna say this? No, no, no, man. I don't want you to make the same mistakes that I did. I see it. I could look back and see that, hey, look at man, this wasn't the way to go.

Big Bad Harold (06:55)
Mmm.

but that's part of being a man.

I done, yeah, yeah.

No.

MGF (07:07)
If you're gonna have a child, better yet, get married, then have a child.

Big Bad Harold (07:13)
They ain't advertise the right way. That's the right way. None of us really do it that way. Hey, I didn't do it that way. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah.

MGF (07:20)
You get what I'm saying? It's all out of order.

It's all out of order. And we've come to accept it. That's why you have baby showers with ain't no man around.

Big Bad Harold (07:29)
Mm-hmm.

MGF (07:30)
You get what I'm saying? The baby shower should come after the wedding.

Big Bad Harold (07:35)
yet there

MGF (07:36)
But it's all messed up.

Somebody listening right now, I'm still going to have my, OK, I get it. Hey, look here. Celebrate how you want to celebrate. But what I'm talking about is order, right? The way you're supposed to do it, that needs to be promoted, See?

Big Bad Harold (07:43)
Hahaha

true.

MGF (07:53)
these campaigns, bruh.

We, in my lifetime, I have never seen a constructive campaign that was pushed by us.

Big Bad Harold (08:02)
Yeah, yeah, it's hard to find one.

MGF (08:04)
I don't think you will.

I'm talking about a campaign for marriage that promotes marriage. All right? That promotes anything constructive, anything that you can think of. I haven't seen it. Unless it's something dealing with sports or entertainment or some foolishness like that. See? We always campaign for foolishness. We spoke about that a while ago. You understand what saying? We always campaign for something foolish.

Big Bad Harold (08:09)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, not too long ago. Yeah.

MGF (08:28)
something that's non-constructive. And I mean, we need to run constructive campaigns the way we promote upcoming parties.

Big Bad Harold (08:29)
Hmm.

MGF (08:36)
Now that'd be all over.

Big Bad Harold (08:37)
Yeah, a lot of people would jump on top of that, definitely, without a doubt. Yeah, a lot of people would jump on top of that.

MGF (08:40)
You see what I'm saying? See? But going back to what you was talking

about, you know I'm saying? That male figure, that,

That Father

Big Bad Harold (08:47)
Hmm.

MGF (08:48)
What we do to compensate for that, I'm pretty sure you've heard this, you're putting them on a football team.

Big Bad Harold (08:53)
Yeah, yeah, let the coach do it.

MGF (08:55)
Let the coach be the dad. And

you gotta salute the coaches. You know what mean? For doing whatever they've been able to do. But that's the, I guess, the band aid.

Big Bad Harold (09:01)
Yeah.

True, it's the patch.

MGF (09:06)
You know, and for the most part, the coaches are good men. Now you have some of them out there that ain't worth a damn, right? But for the overwhelming majority from what I've seen, coaches care.

Big Bad Harold (09:09)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. They do.

MGF (09:20)
But they can't be everybody, damn daddy. You even hear successful athletes that make statements like that. My daddy wasn't around, you know what saying? So-and-so was like my father. He was a good man, but that's the power of one good man. Go ahead.

Big Bad Harold (09:23)
Nah, they can't.

Hmm.

Yeah, I

think if we had a bunch of them. And that's the point of men need to get back to just being men, because you need the village, which that's another conversation. But having the coach be a good man, having the teacher be a good man, having your uncle in your family be a good man, having your granddaddy be a good man, that's stability throughout the family. That's what builds the village. That's what builds.

just great chemistry between everybody. So one or two good seeds won't be enough in general. So think about if you had your father in life on top of your uncle and everybody else, you have so many different avenues of men to talk to about whatever you might need. And that's if you're a female or male, to pull that guidance from. That's why it's so important to have a good man. And a good man would translate into having better women, which we not gonna get into that.

But as far as keeping everybody focused, most good men and men that's had a mind on the right thing, we focus. Even like we just said, we all done made mistakes, every last one of us. Admitting your mistakes is another huge thing. Most good men can do that. We know we done had kids without merit. We know we done cussed, we know we love hip hop even though how destructive hip hop has been. We know good and well we done been, as they would say, ⁓

MGF (10:53)
A fornicator.

Big Bad Harold (10:54)
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we just out there sticking and moving. We all done went through those phases, man. You know I'm saying? We done done all that. So

MGF (10:55)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A rolling stone.

Big Bad Harold (11:01)
from all the mistakes that we was blessed to not go to jail, to not get killed, to not have, you know, too many wild relationships that results in whatever it results in, we are able to come back, get down to earth.

and get back to the old grindstone and stay focused on what we need to do. I'm gonna stay apparent my kids as much as I can that's over here, that's over there. I'm gonna do what I can to any youth, any young man to tell them not to do the same mistakes I done. Look man, I want you to go do it the right way. know what I done done. That's why I'm talking to you. You should be able to relate more to somebody that ain't walking in your shoes. Now somebody that ain't never been out there hoeing around, never been out there clubbing, never been out there shooting guns, dealing around drugs. Now you can't tell me nothing.

You don't know nothing. You haven't experienced none of that. You know, you understand right from wrong, but you know who don't, but you don't have the experience of that thrill or whatever you want, however you want to put it to say, man, I know what that could have been. I was scared in that situation. I was scared in that situation. This is what I learned from this one. That's what the experience of a man would do, man. Most men don't mind getting and talking about what they done went through. A lot of people say we don't talk about

MGF (11:47)
Yeah.

Big Bad Harold (12:12)
emotional things because we don't. We talk about experiences. That's what we talk about.

MGF (12:16)
tell you what, Dwayne, one of the hardest things I've found to do is pass along helpful information to people that you care about. Keep them from bumping their head, stepping in that, you know what mean? Stepping in that same trap that you stepped in.

Big Bad Harold (12:25)
Yeah.

Devon.

MGF (12:32)
so you have to be accepting to accept it to information but when you run a campaign and you see it all over the place it'll be hard for you to bump your head man cause

Big Bad Harold (12:45)
That's

true.

MGF (12:46)
You could tell your little cousin something. I don't know what the hell you talking about now.

Big Bad Harold (12:52)
Mmm.

MGF (12:53)
a coach, a teacher, person in the community can tell them exactly the same damn thing that you said. Somebody else got to validate it. Now, see, not personally, I hate that. But if we had a code of conduct, right, and we all run in the same campaign, we all pushing the same message.

Big Bad Harold (13:00)
And that's golden. Yeah, it's golden information now.

I do too.

Mm-hmm.

MGF (13:14)
then I think it'll be easier to pass along that type of information. And it just don't stop with people you care you pass that information along to people that you care about. That's the reason why I tell them. But I mean, relationships, it always got to be validated by somebody else, you know what mean? Unless you respect it like

Big Bad Harold (13:19)
Without a doubt.

Hmm

It do. Yeah.

Yeah.

MGF (13:35)
problem that we have is a lot of the information that's being passed along to the Egyptians is absolutely toxic.

Big Bad Harold (13:40)
is bad.

Yeah, it is.

MGF (13:45)
and self-destruct.

Big Bad Harold (13:46)
Yeah. ⁓ yeah.

MGF (13:47)
That's the problem that we have. You got Thuggo in them. See, Thuggo, for some odd reason, don't need validation. He can just tell you something dumb and you win it. See?

Big Bad Harold (13:54)
Mm-mm.

Yeah.

make it sound cool.

MGF (13:59)
But we are talking about the importance of fathers. You understand?

That young boy is going to get to a point in his life where the Mads woman's ain't going work no more.

Big Bad Harold (14:07)
No. Oh no.

MGF (14:08)
Understand? Now you need somebody to talk to him. You want to go get your cousin. You want to go get your uncle. You want to, you know what mean? You want to go get every damn body, but his daddy. His daddy ain't shit. Well, you understand what I'm talking about?

Big Bad Harold (14:19)
Yeah.

Yeah.

MGF (14:23)
Yeah, it's only so much you can do.

Big Bad Harold (14:24)
Yeah, that's

only so much you could do, definitely.

MGF (14:27)
Bye!

They cute when they kids, you understand what I'm saying? But once they hit them teenage years and they become young adults, then you can't do nothing with them. We're not even young adults. I'm talking about once they hit them teenagers.

Big Bad Harold (14:38)
You gotta have him on the right way,

Yeah, about 12, 13, yeah. Oh yeah.

MGF (14:44)
But now you want somebody to come and fix your screw ups.

Big Bad Harold (14:48)
It's hard to change that clay when it's 12, 13. It's about at the edge.

MGF (14:51)
And a lot of men, well, here we go again, a lot of males, they just don't give a damn.

You ain't got no relationship with your children.

Big Bad Harold (15:01)
And don't care too.

MGF (15:02)
You got anything else?

Big Bad Harold (15:03)
No, it's just the importance of having a man is huge, man. We can hit on a lot of different subjects when it come to that, but it's great to have a man in not only the kid's life, but being a good man in general would translate to a lot when it come to your bloodline and others. Get back to just being men and focus on being men. That's what we gotta do.

MGF (15:25)
And we got to have that campaign, bro. For what you just said, I mean, you got to run that campaign. I'm talking about memes, billboard advertisement, the three by five, yeah, you know what saying, the three by five club flyers or whatever. You know what I mean?

Big Bad Harold (15:27)
Yeah, we gotta push it.

Yeah, we gotta push it.

Yeah, everything. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Having it on IG, Facebook, everywhere, you know? Yeah. Oh yeah.

Men being the best version of themselves. Men being men, Holding each other accountable, calling it out. Constructive criticism, being able to have those open conversations. Hey man, man, just get back to being man, man. Leave, leave our emotions out of the way, man. Let's, let's, let's get back to being man.

MGF (15:58)
And salute to all the brothers out there that is actually walking the walk because you have some brothers out there on the front line that's making a difference and I want to say salute to all of y'all that's out there doing that work man. You know what saying? Y'all doing God's work. know.

Big Bad Harold (16:04)
Definitely. Definitely.

Definitely. Definitely, man. yeah. yeah.

MGF (16:13)
Till the next time everybody, y'all did right, play fair, I'll let us.

Big Bad Harold (16:17)
I'll let

us.